You don't need to know Bubsy's infamous 33-year history.I didn't.And after six hours inside the orange bobcat's latest disaster,I no longer want to.Here is the brutal truth about Bubsy 4D:beneath its combo-driven platformer skeleton,there is almost nothing alive.I rarely felt tight control over the mascot—my pounces landed wide,my glides drifted into hazards,and my double jumps begged for forgiveness from a physics engine that offered none.
The level design repeats itself like a broken nursery rhyme:rolling through pointless pipes,climbing floating platforms that lead nowhere,dodging hazards that feel less like obstacles and more like spite.Finding 150 yarn balls per stage unlocks costumes—cute,I admit—but hunting them only deepened my frustration,because the act of moving through these worlds is already a punishment.There are moments where genuine fun tries to claw through the paper-thin framework.Climbing a tower high into the sky,using every tool in my kit,I felt a flicker of joy.It lasted maybe three seconds.The rest of the time,developer Fabraz's design worked against me,not with me.
The story is nonsense.The Woolies return,capture the sheepish BaaBots,the BaaBots revolt,steal Bubsy's Golden Fleece,and off we go on a collectathon that nobody asked for.The leftover Woolies pose zero threat—attacking them is a chore thanks to awful targeting.The BaaBots fire projectiles,making them slightly more dangerous,but they still feel like unpaid labor.There are only two or three enemy types,so combat grows stale almost immediately.Boss fights cap off the three five-stage worlds and offer actual challenge,but I was still playing Bubsy 4D,which means the ceiling of fun remained claustrophobically low.The voice acting is deployed poorly and randomly,wasted on terrible writing devoid of humor,tension,or anything worthwhile.Characters like Terry,Terri,Virgil Reality,and Oblivia add absolutely nothing—remove them,and the game would not change by a single degree.The muddy visuals and wonky camera make it hard to focus on any environment.Even the color palette feels like an affront to my eyes.
I've heard little about Bubsy in my life,but what little I heard wasn't great.In that sense,Bubsy 4D is a return to form—it's bad,and maybe longtime fans will find perverse joy in placing this entry on the franchise's timeline of infamy.But if this game was an attempt to bring new players into the fold?It won't.Six hours of Bubsy 4D felt like an eternity.If only I could actually travel through the fourth dimension—just once—to get my time back.
